so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize