That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
