FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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