I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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