There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
