I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
