giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
