so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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