She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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