I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
