I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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