i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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