Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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