It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
