your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
