I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
