Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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