I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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