my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Life is so much better after having sex.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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