Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
