I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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