Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
