so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
