boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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