why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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