remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
