the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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