i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this boner is exhausting
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
