I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
