Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Who died my cat blue again?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize