Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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