What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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