if you like me you must not know who I am
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
