oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
