That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
