I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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