And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
