We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
