Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
