that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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