then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
