Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wish there were birth control emojis
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
