i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
