I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
