Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
