You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
