wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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