so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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