Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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