Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
