So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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