I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
