Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
