...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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