We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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