cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
