this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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