Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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