Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
