Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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