omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
