You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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