i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
