sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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