phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
