Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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