We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
