Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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