FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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